Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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