I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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