Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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