I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
