is your mom at the bar?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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