i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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