I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
