3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
