My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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