Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
