life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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