Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
