I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
