He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
