My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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