we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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