He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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