I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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