Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
