Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You've changed since you got that strap on
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
