I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
