thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
