weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
