Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
