come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
