I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
