You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
