So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just invented taco cereal.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
