I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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