ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
