YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
