So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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