Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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