Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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