The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
