I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
