Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
