Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
