I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
