is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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