Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
