Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
