I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
