hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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