About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
