why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
