I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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