I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
