i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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