I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
