i just wanna soil my oats bro
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
