Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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