Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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