The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
