So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
