the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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