I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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