you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
