Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
