I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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