So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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