Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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