I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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