so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
