Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
