I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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