We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
