Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
