Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
