so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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