i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
