Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
