omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.