I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.