Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
