her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy