now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life