i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
