i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.