No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
