one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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