super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
