He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
